Day #12 sans Lexapro. I'm back in the familiar land where I am relatively functional (which in my world means caring for two tiny humans solo 7:00 am to 6:00 pm five days a week) but it is hard AF. Focusing on my kids and responding to them from a place of love and patience instead of irritation is so hard right now. So hard. Life is overstimulating in all ways right now. And my darling one year old is cutting a molar and wants to nurse nurse nurse nurse nurse all the goddamn time. All. The. Time.
I'm working on remembering to activate my parasympathetic nervous system whenever I'm feeling overstimulated. Easier said than done, but I'm trying with diaphragm breathing, mindfulness (no multitasking allowed, even in my brain), and, the newest one, lightly running a finger over my lips to stimulate the parasympathetic fibers in the lips.
Another favorite grounding activity of mine is walking around barefoot in the yard. But now it's fucking freezing here and putting one million socks, boots, hats, and coats on two squirming tiny humans is the antithesis of calming.
When I have a moment to read, I am reaching for The Seat of the Soul to keep myself centered and focused.
"When you bring the consciousness of your soul to your intention-setting process, when you choose to align yourself with your soul instead of with your personality [mind], you create a reality that reflects your soul rather than your personality [mind]." - Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul
"... Unconscious evolution through the density of physical matter, through the experiences that are created unconsciously by unconscious intentions has been the way of our species to now. ... Conscious evolution through responsible choice is the accelerated way of evolution... Responsible choice is the conscious road to authentic empowerment." - Zukav
"As you become conscious of the different parts of your personality, you become able to experience consciously the forces within you that compete for expression, that lay claim to the single intention that will be yours at each moment, that will shape your reality. When you enter these dynamics consciously, you create for yourself the ability to choose consciously among the forces within you, to choose where and how you will focus your energy." -Zukav
I highly recommend paring The Seat of the Soul with The Enneagram. And Jess Lively's podcast season 5.
Climbing back out of the anxiety hole.
Day #10 of no Lexapro. Feeling fairly back to normal! Days #4-8 were the hardest. All the anxiety came back full force. All the twitchies. All the irritation. All the brain fog. All the insomnia. All the overwhelm. All the overstimulation. All the exhaustion. All the urges to throw things out of frustration. And withdrawal has the added bonus of nausea, achey muscles, and full body sensation zaps! Despite my best efforts to keep my shit together, I was a hot mess...
It's so strange experiencing the symptoms coming back full force over the course of a day or two. Feeling normal, momming along wiping noses and butts and stuff, and then suddenly I'm back in the deep end of overwhelming anxiety and I'm just trying to keep my head above water. I'm white-knuckling it through my days. I have to constantly remind myself to unclench my jaws and relax my shoulders. I have the urge to respond to every stimuli by either yelling or crying. Life is overwhelming. Everything is too loud and too bright. Thank goodness it coincided with Thanksgiving and the following weekend so my husband was around for most of it. Remaining pleasant and patient with my kids took every ounce of concentration and effort. All I wanted to do was yell at everybody and then go hide. But I didn't... much. I got through it. As much family time as possible was spent outside going on little walks and hikes. And as little as possible was spent in the car. I have a hard time in the car with the girls when it's bad. So much shrieking and singing and nonstop questions... so much stimulation in such a small enclosed space.
Experiencing the stark contrast between my new heart-led headspace and the old all too familiar mind-dominated anxious headspace is pretty intense. It's easy to forget how bad it was. And how when you're deep in it, it feels hopeless and like it will never end. And when it's bad, it's all-consuming. And it sucks the joy right out of life. Remaining present and in the moment is so hard.
If I let my mind wander, it would immediately go down the anxiety hole. It would start worrying about Christmas and money. It would choose a recent social event and pick apart every interaction I had there and everything I possibly did wrong. It would start berating me for the house being a mess. It would start planning outfits for social events weeks into the future.
I was driving the three year old to ballet on Monday afternoon; the baby mirror wasn't on the backseat headrest, so I couldn't glance in the rear view mirror to check on the rear-facing one year old. I glanced behind me and couldn't see her hands or feet sticking out of her carseat, she was being quiet, and I was suddenly consumed with the worry that I had left her at home. I knew I had buckled her in and handed her doll to her before I got in. I vividly remembered doing it. But I still HAD to put my hand behind me and touch the top of her head before my mind would let it go. What. The. Fuck.
Then five minutes later, I suddenly was consumed with the feeling that I had missed the turn. I drive this way multiple times a week. I knew where I was going, yet I was suddenly sure that I had somehow missed the very obvious turn. My mind wouldn't let it go, and because we were on the hairy edge of being late which is a big trigger for me when I'm deep in the anxiety hole, I pulled up my GPS and double checked. Guess what... the turn was 2 minutes ahead of us.
I forget how my mind used to fuck with me like that all the time. But I didn't realize it was my mind. I thought it was me. And I thought I was going crazy. But it wasn't and I'm not. I stopped living through the lens of my mind, and shit got so much easier.
Check out Oprah and Gary Zukav discussing the separation between your mind and your inner being. I highly recommend his book, The Seat of the Soul.
It's so strange experiencing the symptoms coming back full force over the course of a day or two. Feeling normal, momming along wiping noses and butts and stuff, and then suddenly I'm back in the deep end of overwhelming anxiety and I'm just trying to keep my head above water. I'm white-knuckling it through my days. I have to constantly remind myself to unclench my jaws and relax my shoulders. I have the urge to respond to every stimuli by either yelling or crying. Life is overwhelming. Everything is too loud and too bright. Thank goodness it coincided with Thanksgiving and the following weekend so my husband was around for most of it. Remaining pleasant and patient with my kids took every ounce of concentration and effort. All I wanted to do was yell at everybody and then go hide. But I didn't... much. I got through it. As much family time as possible was spent outside going on little walks and hikes. And as little as possible was spent in the car. I have a hard time in the car with the girls when it's bad. So much shrieking and singing and nonstop questions... so much stimulation in such a small enclosed space.
Experiencing the stark contrast between my new heart-led headspace and the old all too familiar mind-dominated anxious headspace is pretty intense. It's easy to forget how bad it was. And how when you're deep in it, it feels hopeless and like it will never end. And when it's bad, it's all-consuming. And it sucks the joy right out of life. Remaining present and in the moment is so hard.
If I let my mind wander, it would immediately go down the anxiety hole. It would start worrying about Christmas and money. It would choose a recent social event and pick apart every interaction I had there and everything I possibly did wrong. It would start berating me for the house being a mess. It would start planning outfits for social events weeks into the future.
I was driving the three year old to ballet on Monday afternoon; the baby mirror wasn't on the backseat headrest, so I couldn't glance in the rear view mirror to check on the rear-facing one year old. I glanced behind me and couldn't see her hands or feet sticking out of her carseat, she was being quiet, and I was suddenly consumed with the worry that I had left her at home. I knew I had buckled her in and handed her doll to her before I got in. I vividly remembered doing it. But I still HAD to put my hand behind me and touch the top of her head before my mind would let it go. What. The. Fuck.
Then five minutes later, I suddenly was consumed with the feeling that I had missed the turn. I drive this way multiple times a week. I knew where I was going, yet I was suddenly sure that I had somehow missed the very obvious turn. My mind wouldn't let it go, and because we were on the hairy edge of being late which is a big trigger for me when I'm deep in the anxiety hole, I pulled up my GPS and double checked. Guess what... the turn was 2 minutes ahead of us.
I forget how my mind used to fuck with me like that all the time. But I didn't realize it was my mind. I thought it was me. And I thought I was going crazy. But it wasn't and I'm not. I stopped living through the lens of my mind, and shit got so much easier.
Check out Oprah and Gary Zukav discussing the separation between your mind and your inner being. I highly recommend his book, The Seat of the Soul.
Lexapro Withdrawal = Thumbs Down Emoji
This is a neat little video that explains how stress/anxiety affects the brain. And there's a part in there about rat mothers and babies that explains exactly why I practice responsive peaceful (but not permissive) parenting.
My shit feels even weirder today. It's like all of my senses are heightened to uncomfortable levels. I'm hiding in our room "doing yoga" while I listen to Husband regulating our little sugared up darlings in the living room. (We ate pumpkin pie together and then I immediately dipped out and left him with the fallout. I'm the best.) I can't think clearly. I can't concentrate. My balance is a little off. My patience is a lotta off. After I nursed my one year old at early-af-am, I could not fall back asleep. My mind is once again ready with a full supply of past short-comings to mull over again and again. I am able to switch it off as soon as it starts now, so it's more of an interesting observation than an all consuming anxiety/depression spiral. So I listened to the newest episode of The Lively Show. Highly recommend it.
Being the watcher of the mind while weaning off the Lexparo has been a strange experience. The symptoms come roaring back within a couple of days of reducing the dose. I can generally identify them immediately and then let the feelings pass, rather than latch on and internalize them. I wait until things normalize and life gets a little easier for a bit, then it's time to reduce the dose again. I am so ready to get through this last withdrawal period and then I'm good to go! Then all the weird shit my mind does can't be blamed on Big Pharma chemicals anymore. But also, from what I've observed during the withdrawal process so far, the good times feel even better the more I reduce my dose. And that's enough of a carrot on the stick for me to keep pushing through.
I did consider taking 5 mg yesterday to see if it would take the edge off of Thanksgiving day, but instead I announced to everyone (my sister, her gentleman friend, and my husband) that I was feeling too wonky to be in charge of things. Then I sat at the kitchen counter, drank a glass of wine, and didn't do a damn thing. It was glorious.
Thanksgiving Zaps
Day 4 of no Lexapro. This after 14 days of 5 mg, after 28 of days of 10 mg, after several months of 15 mg (down from 20 mg). The anxiety and twitchiness is back. Of course. And I'm also having some lovely strange zaps of sensation... pretty much whenever I move today. Which is Thanksgiving, BTW. But I'm trying this new approach to life that can be best summed up as: Fuck it! I don't have to do it all! Everything will work itself out without my controlling the shit out of every moment! ...
So my husband and three year old are currently picking up our pre-cooked-just-heat-and-serve Thanksgiving meal from Whole Foods!!! And ingredients to make a pumpkin pie with my three year old. (But a frozen crust. I'm not THAT committed.) And wine. I am pleased. My sister and her beau will be arriving in a few hours. They are young with no offspring and bring lots of energy and enthusiasm for entertaining mine. PERFECT.
The one year old has been cutting multiple molars recently. So she's been wanting to nurse nonstop all night. So I've been exhausted and my anxiety has been worse. Yesterday we drove three hours to go to an in-law's mother's funeral. It was cancer. She was sixty. V sad. Then we stuck around for the post-funeral food in the back of the church. Lots of smiling and small talk while simultaneously ensuring my children didn't trip any old people. Then we had to drive three hours home. The one year old was loudly displeased about being in the car again. And my three year old pooped her pants in her carseat. Because while she did alert us that she needed to poop, she neglected to communicate the emergent nature of the situation.
So after getting the girls to bed, Husband and I stayed up watching The Great British Baking Show in bed and just hanging out and enjoying each other's company kid-free for the first time in at least a week. In other news, I can already tell a big difference in my libido. As I've been weaning off, it's been coming back. Everyone involved is pleased with this development. Fucking Big Pharma chemicals, man. They fuck with everything. (And let me reiterate that they served me well when I needed them due to literally debilitating postpartum anxiety. But my journey with them is over now.)
All of this to say: I slept in until 11:00 this morning and feel like a whole new human. Sleep is so goddamn important for my mental health and I look forward to my baby finishing up with her growing of new teeth. The end. And happy thanksgiving.
So my husband and three year old are currently picking up our pre-cooked-just-heat-and-serve Thanksgiving meal from Whole Foods!!! And ingredients to make a pumpkin pie with my three year old. (But a frozen crust. I'm not THAT committed.) And wine. I am pleased. My sister and her beau will be arriving in a few hours. They are young with no offspring and bring lots of energy and enthusiasm for entertaining mine. PERFECT.
The one year old has been cutting multiple molars recently. So she's been wanting to nurse nonstop all night. So I've been exhausted and my anxiety has been worse. Yesterday we drove three hours to go to an in-law's mother's funeral. It was cancer. She was sixty. V sad. Then we stuck around for the post-funeral food in the back of the church. Lots of smiling and small talk while simultaneously ensuring my children didn't trip any old people. Then we had to drive three hours home. The one year old was loudly displeased about being in the car again. And my three year old pooped her pants in her carseat. Because while she did alert us that she needed to poop, she neglected to communicate the emergent nature of the situation.
So after getting the girls to bed, Husband and I stayed up watching The Great British Baking Show in bed and just hanging out and enjoying each other's company kid-free for the first time in at least a week. In other news, I can already tell a big difference in my libido. As I've been weaning off, it's been coming back. Everyone involved is pleased with this development. Fucking Big Pharma chemicals, man. They fuck with everything. (And let me reiterate that they served me well when I needed them due to literally debilitating postpartum anxiety. But my journey with them is over now.)
All of this to say: I slept in until 11:00 this morning and feel like a whole new human. Sleep is so goddamn important for my mental health and I look forward to my baby finishing up with her growing of new teeth. The end. And happy thanksgiving.
Anxiety and mindfulness from a more clinical perspective. #prefrontalcortexvamygdala
Ooooo! It's a good one! Anxiety and mindfulness discussed with a more clinical approach than my usual podcast rotation. Highly recommend it.
Anxiety & The Anxious Story We Tell Ourselves with Lori Kandels - The Addicted Mind Podcast
Anxiety & The Anxious Story We Tell Ourselves with Lori Kandels - The Addicted Mind Podcast
Some Eckhart Tolle wisdom bombs in preparation for attempting to be a pleasant human being today:
Husband got up with the girls and I'm "sleeping in." Sleeping in isn't a thing for me these days. Generally, after an early nursing session, usually 6:00 am-sh, I'm awake, even if the toddler rolls back over and falls right back asleep. I'm trying to hop on the Ayurvedic train a little more in my daily habits, and going to sleep by 10:00 pm and waking at 6:00 am is a thing in the Ayurvedic world. So I'm trying to embrace it. But I'm also mothering on and off throughout the night, so it's not exactly the deep, restful sleep that is recommended.
So I'm hiding in our room with the sound machine turned up to eleven and trying to get myself in a good headspace before I start my day. It's Saturday. I want to happy, fun, spontaneous mommy. But I've got the Lexapro withdrawal twitchies and I don't want to adult today. I just want to call in sick. Not an option, unfortunately. #parenthood So instead, I'm journaling and attempting (but failing) to meditate, and soaking up some Eckhart Tolle wisdom bombs from The Power of Now in preparation for attempting to be a pleasant human being today.
"Inhabiting the body protects you not by putting up a shield, but by raising the frequency vibration of your total energy field, so that anything that vibrates at a lower frequency, such as fear, anger, depression, and so on, now exists in what is virtually a different order of reality." - Tolle
"So when such challenges come, as they always do, make it a habit to go within at once and focus as much as you can on the inner energy field of your body. This need not take long, just a few seconds. But you need to do it the moment that the challenge presents itself. Any delay will allow a conditioned mental-emotional reaction to arise and take you over. When you focus within and feel the inner body, you immediately become still and present as you are withdrawing consciousness from the mind. If a response is required in that situation, it will come up from this deeper level." - Tolle
"When your partner behaves unconsciously, relinquish all judgment. Judgment is either to confuse someone's unconscious behavior with who they are or to project your own unconsciousness onto another person and mistake that for who they are." - Tolle
"Now let your spiritual practice be this: As you go about your life, don't give 100 percent of your attention to the external world and to your mind. Keep some within. ... Feel the inner body even when engaged in relationships or when you are relating with nature. Feel the stillness deep inside it. Keep the portal open. It is quite possible to be conscious of the Unmanifested throughout your life. You feel it as a deep sense of peace somewhere in the background, a stillness that never leaves you, no matter what happens out here. ... This is the state of connectedness with the Source that we will call enlightenment." - Tolle
"Whenever you notice that some form of negativity has arisen within you, look on it not as a failure, but as a helpful signal that is telling you: "Wake up. Get out of your mind. Be present." - Tolle
So I'm hiding in our room with the sound machine turned up to eleven and trying to get myself in a good headspace before I start my day. It's Saturday. I want to happy, fun, spontaneous mommy. But I've got the Lexapro withdrawal twitchies and I don't want to adult today. I just want to call in sick. Not an option, unfortunately. #parenthood So instead, I'm journaling and attempting (but failing) to meditate, and soaking up some Eckhart Tolle wisdom bombs from The Power of Now in preparation for attempting to be a pleasant human being today.
"Inhabiting the body protects you not by putting up a shield, but by raising the frequency vibration of your total energy field, so that anything that vibrates at a lower frequency, such as fear, anger, depression, and so on, now exists in what is virtually a different order of reality." - Tolle
"So when such challenges come, as they always do, make it a habit to go within at once and focus as much as you can on the inner energy field of your body. This need not take long, just a few seconds. But you need to do it the moment that the challenge presents itself. Any delay will allow a conditioned mental-emotional reaction to arise and take you over. When you focus within and feel the inner body, you immediately become still and present as you are withdrawing consciousness from the mind. If a response is required in that situation, it will come up from this deeper level." - Tolle
"When your partner behaves unconsciously, relinquish all judgment. Judgment is either to confuse someone's unconscious behavior with who they are or to project your own unconsciousness onto another person and mistake that for who they are." - Tolle
"Now let your spiritual practice be this: As you go about your life, don't give 100 percent of your attention to the external world and to your mind. Keep some within. ... Feel the inner body even when engaged in relationships or when you are relating with nature. Feel the stillness deep inside it. Keep the portal open. It is quite possible to be conscious of the Unmanifested throughout your life. You feel it as a deep sense of peace somewhere in the background, a stillness that never leaves you, no matter what happens out here. ... This is the state of connectedness with the Source that we will call enlightenment." - Tolle
"Whenever you notice that some form of negativity has arisen within you, look on it not as a failure, but as a helpful signal that is telling you: "Wake up. Get out of your mind. Be present." - Tolle
Weaning off of Lexapro is a bitch.
I'm currently on day five of a 5 mg dose. This is reduced after a month of 10 mg. This was reduced from 15 mg, my standard dose. I was on 20 mg for a while previously, weaned down to 10 mg due to side effects, then had been back up to 15 mg for several months. I've been on SSRIs for 16 months total. First Zoloft, now Lexapro. But not for much longer! I know I'm ready to be off of them. They served their purpose and got me through literally debilitating postpartum anxiety. I've upped my mindfulness game hardcore and have a much better understanding of anxiety and the mind. I'm ready to be back to myself, zero Big Pharma chemicals fucking with my brain chemistry. Next step, get out that Mirena IUD. Hubs needs to hurry up on that vasectomy, amiright?! But for the time being, I would 100% rather have Mirena hormones in my womb than a surprise third child. But I digress...
So I'm five days deep into a lower dose. The nausea is back. I'm irritable AF. My toddler crying is a big trigger for me since it sends my cortisol through the roof. My three year old fucks with the toddler regularly because she's three. Then the toddler scream cries. Then I'm immediately enraged at the source of the crying toddler, my three year old. Then I just have to take deep breaths and remind myself that she's only three and I'm the adult in the situation... over and over and over.
But then it's shit like this morning, when I stood up in the kitchen and hit my head on the corner of an open cabinet door. I had to go lock myself in the bathroom and cry for a hot minute. And not because it even hurt that much. More out of overwhelming frustration-rage. Eckhart Tolle would call it my pain body.
I'm so twitchy. I want to crawl out of my skin. My toddler wants to nurse and nurse and nurse and I just have to put a stop to it eventually or I'll scream. Meditating is nearly impossible. Yoga is hard. Journaling is hard. Being patient with my kids is hard. Being patient with my husband is even harder.
I can focus on being present and being the calm amidst the storm of tiny humans, but the second something loud and startling happens, I shoot straight back to up to the reactivity and stress state.
The kids are watching TV in our room. In an ideal day, they would have zero screen time. But today is definitely not that day. It's cold and rainy outside. It's Friday. There are zero story times at any of the local libraries. I needed some quiet time. Desperately.
I know that the symptoms come back before they abate. I just have to hang in there and keep on keeping on. I know how to stay centered, it's just so much fucking harder when I'm deep in the anxiety hole. I just keep reminding myself that it's all just the reality my mind is creating for me. All of my experiences are through the lens of anxiety right now. I need to breathe and keep coming back to my inner calm over and over.
I have to stay present and respond instead of reacting. It's that simple and that difficult.
So I'm five days deep into a lower dose. The nausea is back. I'm irritable AF. My toddler crying is a big trigger for me since it sends my cortisol through the roof. My three year old fucks with the toddler regularly because she's three. Then the toddler scream cries. Then I'm immediately enraged at the source of the crying toddler, my three year old. Then I just have to take deep breaths and remind myself that she's only three and I'm the adult in the situation... over and over and over.
But then it's shit like this morning, when I stood up in the kitchen and hit my head on the corner of an open cabinet door. I had to go lock myself in the bathroom and cry for a hot minute. And not because it even hurt that much. More out of overwhelming frustration-rage. Eckhart Tolle would call it my pain body.
I'm so twitchy. I want to crawl out of my skin. My toddler wants to nurse and nurse and nurse and I just have to put a stop to it eventually or I'll scream. Meditating is nearly impossible. Yoga is hard. Journaling is hard. Being patient with my kids is hard. Being patient with my husband is even harder.
I can focus on being present and being the calm amidst the storm of tiny humans, but the second something loud and startling happens, I shoot straight back to up to the reactivity and stress state.
The kids are watching TV in our room. In an ideal day, they would have zero screen time. But today is definitely not that day. It's cold and rainy outside. It's Friday. There are zero story times at any of the local libraries. I needed some quiet time. Desperately.
I know that the symptoms come back before they abate. I just have to hang in there and keep on keeping on. I know how to stay centered, it's just so much fucking harder when I'm deep in the anxiety hole. I just keep reminding myself that it's all just the reality my mind is creating for me. All of my experiences are through the lens of anxiety right now. I need to breathe and keep coming back to my inner calm over and over.
I have to stay present and respond instead of reacting. It's that simple and that difficult.
Stop investing your mind with "selfness."
"If you stop investing it with "selfness," the mind loses its compulsive quality, which basically is the compulsion to judge, and so to resist what is, which creates conflict, drama, and new pain.
In fact, the moment that judgement stops through acceptance of what is, you are free of the mind.
You have made room for love, for joy, for peace."
- Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
In fact, the moment that judgement stops through acceptance of what is, you are free of the mind.
You have made room for love, for joy, for peace."
- Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
Book reading. It's not an issue of time, rather an issue of intention.
You do have time to read books.
I thought I didn't too. But then I realized how much time I spent mindlessly scrolling social media or playing candy crush and realized it was not an issue of time, rather an issue of intention. Check your priorities, yo. How you spend your now is how you spend your life. How much of each day do you spend on social media? And in what ways does it enrich your life? What if you spent that time reading a book? Perhaps one of the ones I recommend in my little bloggy list over there? That shit can be life changing. Just see what resonates. You never know.
When I have five minutes to decompress in the other room while my kids play nicely together in a tablecloth fort, I grab a book. When I sit down to snuggle and nurse my toddler while she wakes after her nap, I grab a book. When I'm sitting outside watching my kids play, I grab a book. When I'm watching my kids play in the bathtub, I grab a book. When I'm trying to sleep in on a Saturday morning but good ol' insomnia (Does it count if it's in the morning? It's the exact same mind bullshit, just with the sun up so I have my t-shit over my face.) ...and I digress. But you get the picture. I didn't actually grab a book this morning, I grabbed my journal and started relistening to and taking notes on this doozy of a podcast interview with Deepak Chopra on finding your dharma. So many nuggets of wisdom. Did you realize that Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and The Chakra System mirror each other? Mind. Blown.
Back to the subject of this post. I fucking love books. And I prefer a good ol' fashioned physical book where I can highlight and underline and turn down page corners. I love having a shelf of books which I know intimately. I can walk over, grab a specific book, randomly flip until I find highlighter, and soak up some inspirational ass shit right then and there. This correlates with my delve into spirituality and anxiety and living my best life. (But not in the blogger hashtag way. Obvy.) I also copy stuff that resonates deeply into my journal and then draw a big square around it so I can flip through all my ramblings and find aligning little quotes quickly. Sometimes that's all I need, three minutes outside with the trees and the birdies and a quick journal flip for quotes. The ones I need will jump out to me. Then a child will start crying and I take a deep breath and go back inside a little more patient and present...
And I leave you with a nugget from my morning journaling and intention setting with Mr. Chopra:
"It's all a journey. There is no arrival."
I thought I didn't too. But then I realized how much time I spent mindlessly scrolling social media or playing candy crush and realized it was not an issue of time, rather an issue of intention. Check your priorities, yo. How you spend your now is how you spend your life. How much of each day do you spend on social media? And in what ways does it enrich your life? What if you spent that time reading a book? Perhaps one of the ones I recommend in my little bloggy list over there? That shit can be life changing. Just see what resonates. You never know.
When I have five minutes to decompress in the other room while my kids play nicely together in a tablecloth fort, I grab a book. When I sit down to snuggle and nurse my toddler while she wakes after her nap, I grab a book. When I'm sitting outside watching my kids play, I grab a book. When I'm watching my kids play in the bathtub, I grab a book. When I'm trying to sleep in on a Saturday morning but good ol' insomnia (Does it count if it's in the morning? It's the exact same mind bullshit, just with the sun up so I have my t-shit over my face.) ...and I digress. But you get the picture. I didn't actually grab a book this morning, I grabbed my journal and started relistening to and taking notes on this doozy of a podcast interview with Deepak Chopra on finding your dharma. So many nuggets of wisdom. Did you realize that Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and The Chakra System mirror each other? Mind. Blown.
Back to the subject of this post. I fucking love books. And I prefer a good ol' fashioned physical book where I can highlight and underline and turn down page corners. I love having a shelf of books which I know intimately. I can walk over, grab a specific book, randomly flip until I find highlighter, and soak up some inspirational ass shit right then and there. This correlates with my delve into spirituality and anxiety and living my best life. (But not in the blogger hashtag way. Obvy.) I also copy stuff that resonates deeply into my journal and then draw a big square around it so I can flip through all my ramblings and find aligning little quotes quickly. Sometimes that's all I need, three minutes outside with the trees and the birdies and a quick journal flip for quotes. The ones I need will jump out to me. Then a child will start crying and I take a deep breath and go back inside a little more patient and present...
And I leave you with a nugget from my morning journaling and intention setting with Mr. Chopra:
"It's all a journey. There is no arrival."
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