My shit feels even weirder today. It's like all of my senses are heightened to uncomfortable levels. I'm hiding in our room "doing yoga" while I listen to Husband regulating our little sugared up darlings in the living room. (We ate pumpkin pie together and then I immediately dipped out and left him with the fallout. I'm the best.) I can't think clearly. I can't concentrate. My balance is a little off. My patience is a lotta off. After I nursed my one year old at early-af-am, I could not fall back asleep. My mind is once again ready with a full supply of past short-comings to mull over again and again. I am able to switch it off as soon as it starts now, so it's more of an interesting observation than an all consuming anxiety/depression spiral. So I listened to the newest episode of The Lively Show. Highly recommend it.
Being the watcher of the mind while weaning off the Lexparo has been a strange experience. The symptoms come roaring back within a couple of days of reducing the dose. I can generally identify them immediately and then let the feelings pass, rather than latch on and internalize them. I wait until things normalize and life gets a little easier for a bit, then it's time to reduce the dose again. I am so ready to get through this last withdrawal period and then I'm good to go! Then all the weird shit my mind does can't be blamed on Big Pharma chemicals anymore. But also, from what I've observed during the withdrawal process so far, the good times feel even better the more I reduce my dose. And that's enough of a carrot on the stick for me to keep pushing through.
I did consider taking 5 mg yesterday to see if it would take the edge off of Thanksgiving day, but instead I announced to everyone (my sister, her gentleman friend, and my husband) that I was feeling too wonky to be in charge of things. Then I sat at the kitchen counter, drank a glass of wine, and didn't do a damn thing. It was glorious.
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