I'm not drinking coffee or alcohol during the month of April. (Except a fancy family wedding I'm attending halfway through. You better believe I'm not going to pass up the chance to stand around in a sassy dress and heels and sip nice champagne sans-spawn!)
I gave up both coffee and alcohol in December of 2017 after reading Dr. Kelly Brogan's A Mind of Your Own. I couldn't tell a difference. Or maybe I didn't want to see it. But I think I'm going to give it another go.
I've got to make some changes, because I still feel like an anxious hypersensitive mess far too often. And it's not doing it for me. And my brain is probably still rebalancing from going off the SSRIs in November. I don't fucking know. But I need to feel like I am not standing in my own way. And I really like coffee and wine. A lot. And my consumption of both has been creeping back up lately. So it's time to take a break. And sit with the feels when it is hard to go without. Explore the cravings.
I have reduced my consumption of both over the years. These days, I drink a cup or two of coffee daily and a glass or two or three of wine regularly. I don't like that I don't know what my body and mind feel like without the regular influence of both. So I'm going to explore that.
The more time I spend aligned and centered and joyful, the worse the anxious headspace feels. So I'm going to keep on making changes in my life situation until my mind's default programming is alignment, not anxiety.
There. I wrote it down. Now it's a thing and I have to do it. Damn it.
And now I'm going to go re-listen to Dr. Kelly Brogan on The Joe Rogan Podcast for motivation.
Sacred Nap Time
Nap times are sacred. I do no housework. I try to interact with children as little as possible. My four year old only gets her iPad while her sister sleeps, this ensures that it stays nice and interesting when I need it most.
My optimal nap time goes as follows: I turn on the "do not disturb" on my phone. I roll out my yoga mat and do some light stretches. I follow a 20 minute-ish yoga tutorial on Youtube. I Savasana/meditate for a bit. I journal and read a book and/or do a little tarot reading. When I get a full nap time to truly focus and center myself, it improves the remainder of my day exponentially.
Sometimes I let that routine slip away. I get caught up in the doing of the mind and forget how much I NEED the quiet alone time. This morning I listened to Natalie Mile's podcast interview with Lauren Toyota and it reminded me how important that alone time is. So I prioritized it today and it felt oh so good.
As an overstimulated Vata-Pitta mother of two small humans, quiet time with myself is something I seem to be forever craving. It is important that I make the most of every little bit I manage to carve out for myself throughout the day. I turn off all external stimuli and focus within.
No screens. No podcasts/audiobooks. Just myself and the stillness within. It is rejuvenating AF.
My optimal nap time goes as follows: I turn on the "do not disturb" on my phone. I roll out my yoga mat and do some light stretches. I follow a 20 minute-ish yoga tutorial on Youtube. I Savasana/meditate for a bit. I journal and read a book and/or do a little tarot reading. When I get a full nap time to truly focus and center myself, it improves the remainder of my day exponentially.
Sometimes I let that routine slip away. I get caught up in the doing of the mind and forget how much I NEED the quiet alone time. This morning I listened to Natalie Mile's podcast interview with Lauren Toyota and it reminded me how important that alone time is. So I prioritized it today and it felt oh so good.
As an overstimulated Vata-Pitta mother of two small humans, quiet time with myself is something I seem to be forever craving. It is important that I make the most of every little bit I manage to carve out for myself throughout the day. I turn off all external stimuli and focus within.
No screens. No podcasts/audiobooks. Just myself and the stillness within. It is rejuvenating AF.
Anxiety and Overstimulation and the Vata Dosha
I just stumbled upon this article from The Journal of Ayurveda and Integrative Medicine and I'm super stoked to see legit research being done in this department. Turns out, the Indians 5,000 years ago knew what was up!
The more I delve into my primary Vata dosha, the more I realize that I am not crazy and it's that my Vata is out of whack. I am so sensitive to overstimulation right now. And my mind's current default thought loop is anxiety and overwhelm. My insomnia is bonkers right now. If I don't take 10 mg of melatonin before bed, after nursing my toddler back to sleep in the early morning, I will just be awake. No amount of meditation and breathing will put me back to sleep. I'm just up for my day at 3:00am whether I want to be or not. I have bursts of productivity and bursts of exhaustion.
I now understand that my husband is Kapha-Pitta and I need to stop comparing myself to him because we are opposites. And it makes so much sense. Damn him and his ability to just casually deeply nap anytime he finds an extra 20 minutes in his day!
Learning more about the Doshas is assisting me in reaching a whole new level of respecting my body and honoring what it truly needs.
Check out some tables and excerpts from "Dosha brain-types: A neural model of individual differences" below...
"The first system is the frontal executive system of the brain, which includes the anterior cingulate gyrus (attention switching and error detection), ventral medial (emotional input), and the dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex (decision making). The Vata Brain-Type exhibits a high range of prefrontal functioning leading to the possibility of being easily overstimulated. They perform activity quickly. Learn quickly and forget quickly. They like to multi-task. Their fast mind gives them an edge in creative problem solving. The Pitta brain-type reacts strongly to all challenges leading to purposeful and resolute actions. They never give up and are very dynamic and goal oriented. The Kapha brain-type is slow and steady leading to methodical thinking and action. They prefer routine and needs stimulation to get going.
The second system is the reticular activating system (RAS) of the brain, which is responsible for arousal level. It determines if we are highly alert, relaxed, or asleep. The Vata brain-type exhibits a high range of arousal levels leading to a sense of over-reacting to the world. They have trouble sleeping soundly. The Pitta brain-type becomes easily aroused and maintains high level of focused arousal to get a task accomplished. The Kapha brain-type is not easily perturbed. They are calm and easy going and seldom get excited.
The fifth system is the limbic system, which is responsible for emotion. It includes many nuclei around the center of the brain: The amygdala for survival and fear response, the hippocampus for anger and spatial awareness, the nucleus accumbens for pleasure, the insula for saliency of experience and tie bodily states to emotions, and hypothalamus that integrates the activity of the autonomic nervous system. The limbic system is highly sensitive to changes in the environment in Vata brain-types. Their emotions are rich and highly variable. When over-activated, the Vata brain-type can have excessive fear and phobias. The limbic system provides the fire for the Pitta brain-type to react to the world. Their actions are competitive and dynamic. In excess, this can lead to irritability and angry. The Kapha Brain-Type is always smiling. They are seldom in a hurry. Nothing seems to make them angry.
The last system is the hypothalamus, which is responsible for homeostasis. It automatically controls our responses to challenges, freeing us from considering hunger, thirst, and arousal levels. The output of the limbic system feeds into the hypothalamus, which then will activate the autonomic nervous systems as needed and even activate the prefrontal cortex. The hypothalamus is intimately involved in the functioning of the other five brain areas. In Vata brain-types, the hypothalamus is constantly changing the state of mind and body. They will experience bursts of activity and rest, and will frequently snack and drink. In Pitta brain-types, the hypothalamus has a strong on and off switch. When turned on, the autonomic nervous system functions at its maximum to accomplish the goal. There is no half-way point. The hypothalamus maintains a higher core body temperature and dynamic mental and physical activity that leads to the preference for cool foods and drinks in this brain-type. In Kapha brain-types, the hypothalamus maintains a slower metabolism. This can lead to easily gaining weight. There is slower responsiveness to temperature and situations."
The more I delve into my primary Vata dosha, the more I realize that I am not crazy and it's that my Vata is out of whack. I am so sensitive to overstimulation right now. And my mind's current default thought loop is anxiety and overwhelm. My insomnia is bonkers right now. If I don't take 10 mg of melatonin before bed, after nursing my toddler back to sleep in the early morning, I will just be awake. No amount of meditation and breathing will put me back to sleep. I'm just up for my day at 3:00am whether I want to be or not. I have bursts of productivity and bursts of exhaustion.
I now understand that my husband is Kapha-Pitta and I need to stop comparing myself to him because we are opposites. And it makes so much sense. Damn him and his ability to just casually deeply nap anytime he finds an extra 20 minutes in his day!
Learning more about the Doshas is assisting me in reaching a whole new level of respecting my body and honoring what it truly needs.
Check out some tables and excerpts from "Dosha brain-types: A neural model of individual differences" below...
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"The first system is the frontal executive system of the brain, which includes the anterior cingulate gyrus (attention switching and error detection), ventral medial (emotional input), and the dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex (decision making). The Vata Brain-Type exhibits a high range of prefrontal functioning leading to the possibility of being easily overstimulated. They perform activity quickly. Learn quickly and forget quickly. They like to multi-task. Their fast mind gives them an edge in creative problem solving. The Pitta brain-type reacts strongly to all challenges leading to purposeful and resolute actions. They never give up and are very dynamic and goal oriented. The Kapha brain-type is slow and steady leading to methodical thinking and action. They prefer routine and needs stimulation to get going.
The second system is the reticular activating system (RAS) of the brain, which is responsible for arousal level. It determines if we are highly alert, relaxed, or asleep. The Vata brain-type exhibits a high range of arousal levels leading to a sense of over-reacting to the world. They have trouble sleeping soundly. The Pitta brain-type becomes easily aroused and maintains high level of focused arousal to get a task accomplished. The Kapha brain-type is not easily perturbed. They are calm and easy going and seldom get excited.
The fifth system is the limbic system, which is responsible for emotion. It includes many nuclei around the center of the brain: The amygdala for survival and fear response, the hippocampus for anger and spatial awareness, the nucleus accumbens for pleasure, the insula for saliency of experience and tie bodily states to emotions, and hypothalamus that integrates the activity of the autonomic nervous system. The limbic system is highly sensitive to changes in the environment in Vata brain-types. Their emotions are rich and highly variable. When over-activated, the Vata brain-type can have excessive fear and phobias. The limbic system provides the fire for the Pitta brain-type to react to the world. Their actions are competitive and dynamic. In excess, this can lead to irritability and angry. The Kapha Brain-Type is always smiling. They are seldom in a hurry. Nothing seems to make them angry.
The last system is the hypothalamus, which is responsible for homeostasis. It automatically controls our responses to challenges, freeing us from considering hunger, thirst, and arousal levels. The output of the limbic system feeds into the hypothalamus, which then will activate the autonomic nervous systems as needed and even activate the prefrontal cortex. The hypothalamus is intimately involved in the functioning of the other five brain areas. In Vata brain-types, the hypothalamus is constantly changing the state of mind and body. They will experience bursts of activity and rest, and will frequently snack and drink. In Pitta brain-types, the hypothalamus has a strong on and off switch. When turned on, the autonomic nervous system functions at its maximum to accomplish the goal. There is no half-way point. The hypothalamus maintains a higher core body temperature and dynamic mental and physical activity that leads to the preference for cool foods and drinks in this brain-type. In Kapha brain-types, the hypothalamus maintains a slower metabolism. This can lead to easily gaining weight. There is slower responsiveness to temperature and situations."
Ayurveda has the answers.
I have been dabbling in Ayurveda recently. I just finished Perfect Health by Deepak Chopra, literally this morning, and I am all in, motherfuckers. I am a Vata-Pitta. Turns out, I have been discounting my Vata and leaning into my Pitta my whole life because society rewards Pittas. I have spent the majority of my life in a state of Vata imbalance and it explains so much...
Reading through the description of Vata imbalance describes issues I have been dealing with off and on since I can remember. I've had insomnia since childhood. Anxiety on and off. Horrible menstrual cramps always. Stress induced aches and pains since college. Anorexic tendencies throughout young adulthood. And the list goes on...
It was all exacerbated during my first postpartum experience; things eventually balanced out a bit after about a year and I felt normal-ish and functional again. My second pregnancy was rough and the following postpartum experience was even rougher. My Pitta was super out of whack. I was irritable, angry, impatient, self-critical, resentful, and had frequent awful hot flashes that would leave me feeling foggy and irritable.
I was at home with a colicky newborn and a two and a half year old. My midwife and I decided that I should go on Zoloft at my 7 weeks postpartum visit. I was literally debilitated by my anxiety and extreme sensitivity to noise. I would force myself to rally and take the girls to playdates, and then come home and just crash for the rest of the day. I had to constantly remind myself to unclench my jaw. My automatic reaction to all stimuli was to cry and/or yell, and I spent all day not crying and/or yelling. And it was exhausting.
The Zoloft worked at first and then it didn't. So we upped the dose and it worked for a bit and then it didn't. So we upped the dose again. And around the time it wasn't working anymore, I started having some weird side effects, so, after an unsuccessful attempt to wean off of the Zolof, my midwife switched me to Lexapro. Which worked for a while and then it didn't...
Meanwhile I was discovering yoga and meditation and mindfulness. And the more I mediated and stayed present and aware throughout my day, the better I felt. And I credit meditation and mindful awareness of the present moment for my ability to wean off of the Lexapro almost a year and half later.
I have now reached a point in my mindfulness practice, in which I can feel that failing to appropriately care for my body makes it harder for me to tap into my inner guidance. I can feel the difference between a clear day and foggy day. And it's harder to make the right decisions on the foggy days. I've been journaling hard about willpower and motivation and decision making and lo and behold, Deepak Chopra has a vocabulary word for it, sattva! I'm reading about sattva, tamas, and rajas and it's blowing my mind because it's exactly what I have been exploring in my journal recently and been unable to fully articulate. Sattva is the impulse to evolve and move forwards. Tamas is the impulse to stay the same. Rajas is the impulse to act.
"Sattva lies closest to nature's heart, because everything in nature expands, evolves, and grows. Sattva exists in us as our instinct for balance, our life-enhancing attitudes, our innate dignity and respect for others, and our love. As you increase in sattva, you effortlessly live in purity and move in the direction of higher evolution." - Deepak Chopra, Perfect Health
Things are stuff. We are all just experiencing life in our meat-suits with the same ultimate goal, to evolve and grow and become our best selves. Some of us just don't know it yet and may never acknowledge it in this lifetime.
If you haven't yet, I encourage you to check out Ayurveda. There are three different doshas, most people are predominately a combo of two. Hit up this quiz for an easy intro.
Reading through the description of Vata imbalance describes issues I have been dealing with off and on since I can remember. I've had insomnia since childhood. Anxiety on and off. Horrible menstrual cramps always. Stress induced aches and pains since college. Anorexic tendencies throughout young adulthood. And the list goes on...
It was all exacerbated during my first postpartum experience; things eventually balanced out a bit after about a year and I felt normal-ish and functional again. My second pregnancy was rough and the following postpartum experience was even rougher. My Pitta was super out of whack. I was irritable, angry, impatient, self-critical, resentful, and had frequent awful hot flashes that would leave me feeling foggy and irritable.
I was at home with a colicky newborn and a two and a half year old. My midwife and I decided that I should go on Zoloft at my 7 weeks postpartum visit. I was literally debilitated by my anxiety and extreme sensitivity to noise. I would force myself to rally and take the girls to playdates, and then come home and just crash for the rest of the day. I had to constantly remind myself to unclench my jaw. My automatic reaction to all stimuli was to cry and/or yell, and I spent all day not crying and/or yelling. And it was exhausting.
The Zoloft worked at first and then it didn't. So we upped the dose and it worked for a bit and then it didn't. So we upped the dose again. And around the time it wasn't working anymore, I started having some weird side effects, so, after an unsuccessful attempt to wean off of the Zolof, my midwife switched me to Lexapro. Which worked for a while and then it didn't...
Meanwhile I was discovering yoga and meditation and mindfulness. And the more I mediated and stayed present and aware throughout my day, the better I felt. And I credit meditation and mindful awareness of the present moment for my ability to wean off of the Lexapro almost a year and half later.
I have now reached a point in my mindfulness practice, in which I can feel that failing to appropriately care for my body makes it harder for me to tap into my inner guidance. I can feel the difference between a clear day and foggy day. And it's harder to make the right decisions on the foggy days. I've been journaling hard about willpower and motivation and decision making and lo and behold, Deepak Chopra has a vocabulary word for it, sattva! I'm reading about sattva, tamas, and rajas and it's blowing my mind because it's exactly what I have been exploring in my journal recently and been unable to fully articulate. Sattva is the impulse to evolve and move forwards. Tamas is the impulse to stay the same. Rajas is the impulse to act.
"Sattva lies closest to nature's heart, because everything in nature expands, evolves, and grows. Sattva exists in us as our instinct for balance, our life-enhancing attitudes, our innate dignity and respect for others, and our love. As you increase in sattva, you effortlessly live in purity and move in the direction of higher evolution." - Deepak Chopra, Perfect Health
Things are stuff. We are all just experiencing life in our meat-suits with the same ultimate goal, to evolve and grow and become our best selves. Some of us just don't know it yet and may never acknowledge it in this lifetime.
If you haven't yet, I encourage you to check out Ayurveda. There are three different doshas, most people are predominately a combo of two. Hit up this quiz for an easy intro.
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