I have been dabbling in Ayurveda recently. I just finished Perfect Health by Deepak Chopra, literally this morning, and I am all in, motherfuckers. I am a Vata-Pitta. Turns out, I have been discounting my Vata and leaning into my Pitta my whole life because society rewards Pittas. I have spent the majority of my life in a state of Vata imbalance and it explains so much...
Reading through the description of Vata imbalance describes issues I have been dealing with off and on since I can remember. I've had insomnia since childhood. Anxiety on and off. Horrible menstrual cramps always. Stress induced aches and pains since college. Anorexic tendencies throughout young adulthood. And the list goes on...
It was all exacerbated during my first postpartum experience; things eventually balanced out a bit after about a year and I felt normal-ish and functional again. My second pregnancy was rough and the following postpartum experience was even rougher. My Pitta was super out of whack. I was irritable, angry, impatient, self-critical, resentful, and had frequent awful hot flashes that would leave me feeling foggy and irritable.
I was at home with a colicky newborn and a two and a half year old. My midwife and I decided that I should go on Zoloft at my 7 weeks postpartum visit. I was literally debilitated by my anxiety and extreme sensitivity to noise. I would force myself to rally and take the girls to playdates, and then come home and just crash for the rest of the day. I had to constantly remind myself to unclench my jaw. My automatic reaction to all stimuli was to cry and/or yell, and I spent all day not crying and/or yelling. And it was exhausting.
The Zoloft worked at first and then it didn't. So we upped the dose and it worked for a bit and then it didn't. So we upped the dose again. And around the time it wasn't working anymore, I started having some weird side effects, so, after an unsuccessful attempt to wean off of the Zolof, my midwife switched me to Lexapro. Which worked for a while and then it didn't...
Meanwhile I was discovering yoga and meditation and mindfulness. And the more I mediated and stayed present and aware throughout my day, the better I felt. And I credit meditation and mindful awareness of the present moment for my ability to wean off of the Lexapro almost a year and half later.
I have now reached a point in my mindfulness practice, in which I can feel that failing to appropriately care for my body makes it harder for me to tap into my inner guidance. I can feel the difference between a clear day and foggy day. And it's harder to make the right decisions on the foggy days. I've been journaling hard about willpower and motivation and decision making and lo and behold, Deepak Chopra has a vocabulary word for it, sattva! I'm reading about sattva, tamas, and rajas and it's blowing my mind because it's exactly what I have been exploring in my journal recently and been unable to fully articulate. Sattva is the impulse to evolve and move forwards. Tamas is the impulse to stay the same. Rajas is the impulse to act.
"Sattva lies closest to nature's heart, because everything in nature expands, evolves, and grows. Sattva exists in us as our instinct for balance, our life-enhancing attitudes, our innate dignity and respect for others, and our love. As you increase in sattva, you effortlessly live in purity and move in the direction of higher evolution." - Deepak Chopra, Perfect Health
Things are stuff. We are all just experiencing life in our meat-suits with the same ultimate goal, to evolve and grow and become our best selves. Some of us just don't know it yet and may never acknowledge it in this lifetime.
If you haven't yet, I encourage you to check out Ayurveda. There are three different doshas, most people are predominately a combo of two. Hit up this quiz for an easy intro.
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