The Portal of the Present Moment

I spent years stuck in a heavy mind-created reality of anxiety and depression. And being home with small children all day, every day is intense AF on the best of days. I was at home with my own mind-created stressful negative illusion of reality and every day was just survival until my husband got home and I could be alone in a less stimulating environment.

I knew something was off. I remember a knowing feeling that things were off and my headspace was not as it should be, but I didn't know what to do. I was paralyzed by anxiety.

In retrospect, my desire to be alone was the urge to find a quiet space to reconnect with my higher self. Unfortunately, because my mind was a constant barrage of criticism and anxiety, I would always spend my alone time tuning into something external: podcasts, TV, social media, etc. because it provided a brief respite from the torment of my mind.

I eventually found space and clarity in yoga and then meditation. Well, first with SSRIs, but they only provided a few weeks of clarity before the cloud would descend again. But each time we upped my dose or changed my meds, those few weeks of clarity were what I needed. I knew things could be easier and more joyful and I knew I could figure out how to get to that point on my own.


"Time is the horizontal dimension of life, the surface layer of reality. Then there is the vertical dimension of depth, accessible to you only through the portal of the present moment." 
-Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth